This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
