I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
