at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize