The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
