i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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