paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
