my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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