mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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