I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
porn star boner night. come get it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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