doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
