that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
