Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize