omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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