Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
