you have to choose: penises or morals?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
