Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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