Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
