we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
