ugly people sure do ruin things
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
