I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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