He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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