I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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