I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
