Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
