Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
