I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't turn off my feet"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
