dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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