you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
