Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
