sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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