Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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