There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
