Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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