so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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