3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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