Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
