You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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