Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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