smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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