Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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