THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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