Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
