your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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