Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
