im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
