I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
