Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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