Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
