his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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