Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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