ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
