and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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