if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
