You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
