I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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