You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
