like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
