I look better un-naked...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
