We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Bring me that man meat
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
