I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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