Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize